I've been laying in bed for the past hour tossing and turning. I don't know what woke me up ( I sleep good these days- it's been months since I popped a Xanax or Melatonin) -- but I am up. My thoughts led me to thinking about you- which led to a Facebook message -- which made me open up the blog. I still really miss you. As I logged in tonight, our password instantly reminded me of our first adventure here. There is really something about this city. Our first year (so perfectly planned) was quite simply free -- our second year -- not at all what we planned. I find myself in this third year, rebuilt and happy. The battle of "should I move home now?" has faded and I am just living in the moment. My career is falling into place, my social life is back to normal and my dating life- well I try my best.
There is still something missing. It hits me less but when it hits- it sucks. I went to a piano bar this past weekend and watched two new-to-the-city friends dance carelessly on the dance floor. It reminded me of us. We could really tear up a dance floor. We could really enjoy a night. It's strange looking back at all of the people I have might over the past two years -- they don't know you. That's so weird. How is that possible? There are at least 10 guys in the past two years that don't know you, that don't know the Lucys. Mainly due to my 3 month relationship attention span -- but the point is -- how could they not know you. I'm not exactly sure how "Can't wait for you to meet my friend Luc - she's a TBI recovering badass, who will really want to steal your drink -- but has been advised my the doctors not to drink -- and she will surely say something inappropriate (just so you know it's always appropriate to me) and most likely advise me to get rid of you" sounds?
The where are you from question is always followed by when did you move here. My response usually is "I moved here with my best friend -- she moved back to St. Louis and now I live with (sigh) Ryan". Oh how that answer has changed. It was always our favorite question to answer. Usually interrupting each other, finishing each others sentences -- and sometimes visuals. I miss Derrick.
AND TWO YEARS- wow! April 19th- the worst day ever- is right around the corner. You're fucking killing it. I love when we talk and you just laugh and say "i love you" -- every time I drop my favorite word. The best is when I call you and we both have a face mask or zit cream on. We always are looking at ourselves in the phone admiring our new wrinkles. This is our now. Now is a lot better than a year ago. I can't wait to see what "now" is in two more years. I'll be thirty- you know I have some SERIOUS goal/life plans for 30. The good news is -- recently your doc told your mom that by age 30 you would be living "a very normal life".
He's so dumb.
We don't live a normal life -- we live the Lucy life. So I'll wait for you. At 31/30 we will be living a very famously fabulous life, most likely starting in Italy. Followed by Mont St Michael- France, Corsica, Koyasan-Japan, Haid Gwaii, Bali, Camino-de-Santiago, Hyderbad-India, Mornington Peninsula, everywhere Australia and sail off on the Tigris in the Galápagos Islands. Don't worry- I started an excel sheet.
|I hope this photo makes you laugh as hard as it made me. So chic.|
Love you, mean it.